Black Friday: Why is this even a thing?

Today is Black Friday, which means it’s the official start of the Christmas Season, which means it’s officially time to start complaining.  However, the Cynical Advent Calendar is a real Advent Calendar and therefore we are not starting officially until the 1st of December.

That being said, since Black Friday has become it’s own thing in later years, it’s perfectly safe to just rip on this day for what it is without having to tie it to any sort of countdown.  So, as the kids say, let’s rap.

First of all, the name itself should be an indicator as to what kind of fucked up holiday this is. Black Friday sounds like the day Jesus died (which instead is called Good Friday for some reason) but in this case ‘black’ means that its the day of the year where most retailers make back enough money to stay out of the red.

Does that not sound INSANE to anyone else?

Hedging the entire livelihood of a company on one day of media driven consumer insanity is pretty fucked up, but in a way it’s also the American Dream. After all, it’s not like a doctor can decide he’s only going to really save lives one day out of the year.

I am just so tired of hearing about this non-holiday already. I’m tired of being bombarded with sale prices and bullshit every which way.  I don’t care that some fuck store is selling high-def TVs for $1.00 because if I have to risk my life or actually interact with Black Friday shoppers in any way, I’d rather pay 200% mark up.

But Black Friday has given birth to a concept I really like– Cyber Monday. First of all, the name sounds a little dirty to someone who grew up in the days of AOL chat rooms. But the concept is pretty awesome; everybody stay the fuck in your homes and stop being so crazy.

Well it’s here everyone.  See you back here in a couple of days so we can start counting down until the end of Christmas, when the world finally regains it’s sanity and normal life resumes.  If you absolutely need help to get through these dark times, you can always nuzzle up with your vice of choice and plop down in front of the 2009 Cynical Advent Calendar.


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