Archive for christmas cards

December 22nd – Christmas Cards

Posted in Advent Calendar Entry 2009 with tags , , , , on December 22, 2009 by K-Mo

I understand the concept of Christmas Cards quite clearly and I can see how they could have been a convenient way to keep in touch with people during the holidays– in 1953.

Anything involving an actual stamp and paper these days is an out-dated practice. Yet Christmas Cards continue to be this phenominon that, much like the rest of this holiday, people have yet to see as the antiquated process that they really are.

Christmas Cards come in two varieties. The first is just your standard greeting card fare, nothing more and nothing less. Just some generic seasonal sentiment or maybe a big “Happy Holidays” scribed in gold cursive across the front with a signature and equally generic greeting inside. “Hope your holidays are the best!” or “From our family to yours, Merry Christmas” or “No more holiday suicide attempts, Grandma, we’re having you put in a home!”

The other version is some sort of long-form epic poem detailing the life of you and your family for the last 365 days like someone actually gives a shit.

“Oh things are just peachy here. Bobby graduated from high school last June and is doing well as a Freshman at State. James was laid off and I think he’s been sleeping with another woman when he’s supposed to be filing for food stamps. The twins are no longer trying to have sex with each other, but they’re still wearing ladies underwear. The dog is still a dog!”

Who cares!? Get a fucking phone and use it every now and then so you don’t need to write “my average family life is average” a million different ways each year!

And again, do we need more wasting in the holiday season? All you’re really doing is creating more garbage when you send these cards because you can be damn sure nobody is treasuring them for years to come.  I’m betting if we cancelled all Christmas cards just once, the government would save billions on the gas and manpower it takes to deliver all of these worthless pieces of paper each year.  Then we could finally have health care reform!

Yes, that’s what I’m saying about Christmas Cards. All you greedy people sending cards out are just taking money away from sick and possibly dying babies.

How about you write that in your card this year?

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