Archive for shopping

Black Friday: Why is this even a thing?

Posted in Advent Calendar Entry 2010, Non-Advent with tags , , , , on November 27, 2010 by K-Mo

Today is Black Friday, which means it’s the official start of the Christmas Season, which means it’s officially time to start complaining.  However, the Cynical Advent Calendar is a real Advent Calendar and therefore we are not starting officially until the 1st of December.

That being said, since Black Friday has become it’s own thing in later years, it’s perfectly safe to just rip on this day for what it is without having to tie it to any sort of countdown.  So, as the kids say, let’s rap.

First of all, the name itself should be an indicator as to what kind of fucked up holiday this is. Black Friday sounds like the day Jesus died (which instead is called Good Friday for some reason) but in this case ‘black’ means that its the day of the year where most retailers make back enough money to stay out of the red.

Does that not sound INSANE to anyone else?

Hedging the entire livelihood of a company on one day of media driven consumer insanity is pretty fucked up, but in a way it’s also the American Dream. After all, it’s not like a doctor can decide he’s only going to really save lives one day out of the year.

I am just so tired of hearing about this non-holiday already. I’m tired of being bombarded with sale prices and bullshit every which way.  I don’t care that some fuck store is selling high-def TVs for $1.00 because if I have to risk my life or actually interact with Black Friday shoppers in any way, I’d rather pay 200% mark up.

But Black Friday has given birth to a concept I really like– Cyber Monday. First of all, the name sounds a little dirty to someone who grew up in the days of AOL chat rooms. But the concept is pretty awesome; everybody stay the fuck in your homes and stop being so crazy.

Well it’s here everyone.  See you back here in a couple of days so we can start counting down until the end of Christmas, when the world finally regains it’s sanity and normal life resumes.  If you absolutely need help to get through these dark times, you can always nuzzle up with your vice of choice and plop down in front of the 2009 Cynical Advent Calendar.


December 18th – Shopping Insanity!

Posted in Advent Calendar Entry 2009 with tags , , , , on December 18, 2009 by K-Mo

Today I finished all of my Christmas shopping in one glorious go (except for one more gift, which I am ordering online from the comfort of my own home.) I refused to get swept up in the holiday madness this year and planned all of my gifts out well in advance so I could just swoop in and buy them all when I had the money. Don’t get me wrong, I like shopping, I just hate people and going into a store a week before Christmas is like entering a human zoo.

I know it’s kind of cliche at this point to even moan about Christmas shopping because it’s common knowledge that the stores will be packed and that people will be losing their goddamn minds over stuff.  That doesn’t make it any less terrible and there’s no way I could run a blog like this and not touch upon the subject.

I should be doing all of my shopping online, but the only thing preventing me from doing that is all the shipping hassles. Its not too outrageous if you buy the gifts at the beginning of the month, but as the season winds down and that last paycheck before Christmas comes in, you end up paying double the amount just to get it to ship in time.  In that sense, every year I’m essentially duped into entering the brick and morter stores anyway, despite my attempts to go digital.

This year wasn’t as bad as in recent years, but I also got smart. I went during the day, as early as I could, when many people were still at work. That’s not to say it wasn’t still a complete madhouse of old people, stay at home moms and screaming children, but at least the lines weren’t terribly long.

The worst though is the parking. Why does Christmas have to be in December when it’s freezing out? I have no idea who these people are who get the front parking spots, but I’m always stuck out in the wastelands of the lot and have to use a GPS to find my way back to civilization.  The long trek to the store in the cold is just sickening, but even worse is coming back to your car. You’re guaranteed that you won’t find it right away, causing a considerable amount of wandering around in the frigidness.  Then when you do find it, you’re not treated to that instant woosh of warmth like you get from entering the store.

Even if my shopping is all done, it doesn’t mean I get to completely avoid the chaos. Chances are sometime in the next week I’ll need to run up to the store for some toliet paper or other random item and get to experience the maddness all over again. You can’t do anything or go anywhere during this time of year without it being a real pain in the ass!

Can’t I just hibernate and wake up in a week or two when it’s safe to come out again?